Making the most of my little infinity

This weekend I saw The Fault in Our Stars for the second time (yes, I have seen it twice). The first time was all about the story and tears. This second time gave me time to contemplate the meaning behind the story more, and it definitely had some personal comparison to it.

If you haven't seen it yet, don't worry. I'm not gonna give anything away-no spoilers here! (I kept it vague).

To give you a little background, the movie is about two teenagers, Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters, who have cancer and fall in love. It's definitely a chick flick-tissues recommended!

During the film, I found myself comparing Hazel's thoughts and experiences to how I frequently feel in my life. Between her frequent doctor appointments and looks she gets from other people who don't know what's going on, I definitely sympathized with her (on a different level but even still, I understood).

After hearing some bad news, Hazel admitted to Augustus that she "[didn't] really want this particular life." She was feeling especially depressed because of the bad news so she probably was exaggerating, but to a small degree she really did mean it.

I'll admit that when I saw and heard this scene, I thought "ya, I've been there." When several disappointing things happen in a short period of time, it brings even the optimistic of people down.

It didn't take me long to think of all the good that has come from me having the life I do. Yes, at times I have wished that I wasn't born with MD, but I always remember how incredibly blessed I have been because of the experiences I've had from the cards that have been dealt in my life. Luckily, the depressing side of me doesn't come out often and when it does appear I have great friends that help pull me back up.

There is a scene where Hazel goes to a place that doesn't have an elevator so she has to climb a bunch of stairs (well, she chose to go knowing there was a bunch of steep stairs). Now, Hazel has breathing problems (hence the oxygen tube under her nose) so stairs are a challenge for her. Not wanting to be defeated, she braves the stairs despite the fact that she struggles to breathe throughout the climb. Plus, she's stubborn and wants to carry her oxygen bag herself and climb the stairs without help. Eventually she gives in and lets someone carry her bag while Gus makes sure that she's ok and encourages her.

Like Hazel, while stairs are possible for me to do, a bunch of stairs is a challenge. I hate asking for help and accepting help when offered requires me to give up some of my independence. Plus, I'm also super stubborn (though I've gotten better since living with a certain friend who helped me tone it down). The whole scene I sympathized with her and her dedication to accomplish the task, no matter how difficult it was. Along with her, I realized that when you let someone else take some of the load it benefits both parties, not a surrender of willpower. It was an epiphanic moment for me, realizing that when I hold up a group behind me that they really don't mind as much as I think they do and that those who offer help aren't just asking out of pity but that they really do care and want to help ease my burden.

I love Hazel and Gus' relationship. She has a little bit of a pessimistic view of life while he tends to be an optimist. When she tries to push him away telling him that she's a grenade that's going to explode and she is trying to "minimize the casualties," he doesn't care and continues to pursue her anyway because "it'd be a privilege to have [his] heart broken by [her]." They balance each other out well, pulling each other up as needed.

While I do not yet have a significant other to keep my little pessimistic side in check, I do have my Savior and the friends He has given me to help pull me up when I'm down. I'm ever so appreciative of them and their ability to know just what to say to help get me back up.

To tie it all together, I'll use the same example that Hazel did in one scene. Math.

"There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or 0 and a million. Some infinities are simply bigger than other infinities...I want more numbers than I'm likely to get...I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity."

While my infinity (here in mortality) isn't likely to be as big as others', I'm so grateful for my little infinity and I'm determined to make the most of it. I want to live my life as Gus said: "I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up," focusing on the climb and the adventure of life, rather than wishing and hoping for something else that is seemingly better. The life that we're living may have its bumps and may not seem to be the brightest crayon in the box, but that doesn't make it any less valuable than another. Everyone has their part to play and they will grow to be something grand.

"It is a good life, Hazel Grace." Yes, Augustus, it is. It's a very good life and I intend to make the most of my little infinity.