Wednesday, February 16, 2011
In a Funk
I'm really feeling weird yesterday and today. I just feel in a funk. I feel alone. Almost all of my very good friends are far away; some within a few hours away and some across the country. I get up, try to be productive until I go to work, I work, then up for a couple hours before going to bed. The only social experiences I have are FHE and church but those are both at the beginning of the week. I just feel like I don't have anyone here even though I do have friends here. I try to get out but then I just feel like a burden. This is a really short post but that is how I'm feeling. I don't know what to do to get out of this funk I'm in.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Strictly Venting
I have so much on my mind right now so I'm just gonna go for it.
First: I love going to FHE. I schedule work so that I can get off in time to make it there on time. But lately it just isn't so fun. We never know what is going on. I'm a group leader and I'm not ever told what is going on and I find out that I have to plan an activity for the next day. When it is groups, I never know how many are going to be there because it's very unpredictable. My group is currently the only functioning group so people hear that it is groups and they don't know where to go but hear about my group so they show up. I don't mind because the more the merrier but I just never know how many to plan for. Also, my partner is MIA (I haven't seen him since our first group activity and that was back in November). They're working on fixing that problem but I hope they get it figured out soon. Yesterday, I had no idea what FHE today was going to be so I asked both of the co-chairs and neither of them knew. One of them decided to do a ward FHE (which I was totally ok with cuz I had no idea what activity I would have done). He was fresh out of ideas for activities though so he was brainstorming with people. I didn't have any activity ideas, but I did ask for it to be something that I can do (we've been having sport activities and they've been sports that I can't do). Well, when I got to our pre-determined meeting place tonight, I found out that we were gonna play ultimate frisbee and then capture the flag. I was a little upset but I went anyway because I like to support FHE and they needed people to drive to the park. I ended up watching and freezing. By the time we left, I seriously couldn't feel my feet because they were so cold. The FHE co-chair said that he wasn't creative enough to come up with something I could do. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes, it does.
Next: I love to serve. I really do. It makes me happy knowing that I helped someone, especially when I serve my friends. I enjoy going out of my way to help people. Sometimes though, I think that I go out of my way enough that I come off too strong. I just get this vibe sometimes after I go out of my way to help someone. I get this feeling that they are thinking "Wow...you are trying way too hard. You really need to back off." Then I feel worse not better. I just don't know what to do about it. This isn't just a one time thing. It's happened several times.
Next: I love that I have the blessing to be able to walk. I really do consider it a blessing because without my braces and crutches I wouldn't be able to walk at all. I usually have this view but sometimes I falter and just can't be strong anymore. I have my down days where it catches up with me. Sometimes I honestly just don't want to put my braces on because they feel restrictive (which is ironic seeming as they provide me with freedom but that's how it feels). These down days usually happen only about once a month or longer but lately they've been more frequent. I've had several down days the past month. I think the combination of having had a broken brace for a year, and the knowledge of what I used to be able to do and now can't are just getting to me. I'm not giving up at all, it is just taking more effort to be positive than it used to. Please don't take this section as me not being appreciative for what I have right now because I really do enjoy the time that I have being able to walk. There's just times where I wish I could do more than I can.
Next: I'm struggling to get along with one of my roommates. I have wanted to talk to her about it but she doesn't usually understand what I am saying because her english is her second language and she still doesn't know it very well. Tonight we actually tried to talk it out but I don't think we were actually on the same page. See, the thing that bothers me is when I am in the living room/kitchen area alone and I am either watching or listening to something on my computer without headphones (I'm alone in the rooms and it's not very loud) or I'm watching something on the tv (again, not very loud and no one else is in the rooms) and she comes out and turns her music or show on without headphones. Typically, this is when you say well what if I was in the other person's shoes. So, if I was in her position, and my roommate had a show or music playing when I came into the public room, I would either ask if they could put headphones in (while I myself put my headphones in) or I would just put my headphones in because that other person was in the room first. That is just how things have always been in every living situation I've been in. Just common courtesy. It's just a little petty thing I know. She also kicked me out of the living room one time because she was having friends over for dinner and she said I couldn't be out there. It was just the way it went down that it bothered me. I'm just trying to figure out how to talk to her about it because I don't know how. Tonight was not a good time for us to talk about it though because I really wasn't in a good mood so now I feel bad.
Ok I'm done venting. I know it doesn't solve anything (I'm still working on that) but I do feel a little better just getting it out.
PS. I know that I'm behind on my daily picture posts. I have pics from some of the days I've missed, I just haven't gotten them posted and am not really in the mood tonight.
First: I love going to FHE. I schedule work so that I can get off in time to make it there on time. But lately it just isn't so fun. We never know what is going on. I'm a group leader and I'm not ever told what is going on and I find out that I have to plan an activity for the next day. When it is groups, I never know how many are going to be there because it's very unpredictable. My group is currently the only functioning group so people hear that it is groups and they don't know where to go but hear about my group so they show up. I don't mind because the more the merrier but I just never know how many to plan for. Also, my partner is MIA (I haven't seen him since our first group activity and that was back in November). They're working on fixing that problem but I hope they get it figured out soon. Yesterday, I had no idea what FHE today was going to be so I asked both of the co-chairs and neither of them knew. One of them decided to do a ward FHE (which I was totally ok with cuz I had no idea what activity I would have done). He was fresh out of ideas for activities though so he was brainstorming with people. I didn't have any activity ideas, but I did ask for it to be something that I can do (we've been having sport activities and they've been sports that I can't do). Well, when I got to our pre-determined meeting place tonight, I found out that we were gonna play ultimate frisbee and then capture the flag. I was a little upset but I went anyway because I like to support FHE and they needed people to drive to the park. I ended up watching and freezing. By the time we left, I seriously couldn't feel my feet because they were so cold. The FHE co-chair said that he wasn't creative enough to come up with something I could do. I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes, it does.
Next: I love to serve. I really do. It makes me happy knowing that I helped someone, especially when I serve my friends. I enjoy going out of my way to help people. Sometimes though, I think that I go out of my way enough that I come off too strong. I just get this vibe sometimes after I go out of my way to help someone. I get this feeling that they are thinking "Wow...you are trying way too hard. You really need to back off." Then I feel worse not better. I just don't know what to do about it. This isn't just a one time thing. It's happened several times.
Next: I love that I have the blessing to be able to walk. I really do consider it a blessing because without my braces and crutches I wouldn't be able to walk at all. I usually have this view but sometimes I falter and just can't be strong anymore. I have my down days where it catches up with me. Sometimes I honestly just don't want to put my braces on because they feel restrictive (which is ironic seeming as they provide me with freedom but that's how it feels). These down days usually happen only about once a month or longer but lately they've been more frequent. I've had several down days the past month. I think the combination of having had a broken brace for a year, and the knowledge of what I used to be able to do and now can't are just getting to me. I'm not giving up at all, it is just taking more effort to be positive than it used to. Please don't take this section as me not being appreciative for what I have right now because I really do enjoy the time that I have being able to walk. There's just times where I wish I could do more than I can.
Next: I'm struggling to get along with one of my roommates. I have wanted to talk to her about it but she doesn't usually understand what I am saying because her english is her second language and she still doesn't know it very well. Tonight we actually tried to talk it out but I don't think we were actually on the same page. See, the thing that bothers me is when I am in the living room/kitchen area alone and I am either watching or listening to something on my computer without headphones (I'm alone in the rooms and it's not very loud) or I'm watching something on the tv (again, not very loud and no one else is in the rooms) and she comes out and turns her music or show on without headphones. Typically, this is when you say well what if I was in the other person's shoes. So, if I was in her position, and my roommate had a show or music playing when I came into the public room, I would either ask if they could put headphones in (while I myself put my headphones in) or I would just put my headphones in because that other person was in the room first. That is just how things have always been in every living situation I've been in. Just common courtesy. It's just a little petty thing I know. She also kicked me out of the living room one time because she was having friends over for dinner and she said I couldn't be out there. It was just the way it went down that it bothered me. I'm just trying to figure out how to talk to her about it because I don't know how. Tonight was not a good time for us to talk about it though because I really wasn't in a good mood so now I feel bad.
Ok I'm done venting. I know it doesn't solve anything (I'm still working on that) but I do feel a little better just getting it out.
PS. I know that I'm behind on my daily picture posts. I have pics from some of the days I've missed, I just haven't gotten them posted and am not really in the mood tonight.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Personal Challenge Day 10
I almost forgot to post again! So I made breakfast this morning and was working on other things while eating it and didn't clean up for a few hours. This was the result:
No, that is not the floor, that is my ceiling (camera under pan)
My cream of wheat defined gravity! Haha. It came out no problem, but I thought it was a funny picture :)
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